ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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