yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
