We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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