you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
