So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
