he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I see more hoeing in ur future
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