Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
