You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
