you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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