i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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