you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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