so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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