After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
