Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
