Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
