When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
