We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
