You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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