first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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