3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
