I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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