Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
