i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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