All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
