sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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