apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
try to milk me bitch
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
