Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My vagina just recognized that song.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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