What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
