I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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