i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
