So drunk its hurt
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
