is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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