there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
