R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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