Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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