why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
