my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
