i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
