she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
