And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
