im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
