watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
