no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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