When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
