On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
