remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
