And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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