so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
