but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
