I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
