the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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