Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
