just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize