And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
