she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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