So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
