oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
