well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets