Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.