I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
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I'm passing your future prison.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.