Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.