shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
