Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.