i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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