how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
