there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
