Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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