i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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