Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
