Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
