Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
