dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
